Starting Over

I got to spend this past weekend in a condo on Sol Vista with 5 beautiful people. Snowboarding, hot tubbing, hanging out, watching movies, playing games, random trips to random thrift stores...I think it's safe to say it was the best weekend I've had in a while. But at some point this weekend it dawned on me that I just felt...different.

I've always been relatively shy, and I'm the type of girl who prefers to invest all of myself in a few close people. So much so that I tend to lose myself to the roles I play, which usually leaves me feeling pretty empty. I wouldn't recommend it.

I'm a daughter and a sister, I've been a friend, a girlfriend, a roommate, a student, an athlete, a coach, a first choice, a last resort...and I think that at some point during my life I've let each of these define who I am. Somewhere along the line I stopped recognizing myself.

That's changing.

Like I said before, lately I just feel different. I feel like I'm coming into myself. I'm doing things I want to do because I want to do them. I wake up smiling. I'm finding parts of myself I haven't seen in years it seems. It's making me realize that for years now I've been looking for fulfillment in roles and relationships that simply can't fill me up. There's more emptiness there than I'm willing to settle for.

And I'm starting over. Completely.

I am Kaila Arielle Bowlin.
I am a child of the King.
My relationships don't define me, my Savior does.
I was put on this earth to love, to serve, and to glorify God.
I am precious in his sight.

And that's all :)