So I have this "sore spot."
I think it's safe to say that everyone has one at one time or another. Some deeply-rooted, painful memory from our past that tends to stick with us and flare up whenever something or someone accidentally (or sometimes even intentionally) touches it. Mine has to do with feeling replaced and is accompanied by this awful fear that it will undoubtedly happen again. This has been my "sore spot" for a long, long time. So long, in fact, that up until very recently I had come to accept my sore spot as part of who I am.
This morning I was discussing this with my therapist. I was telling her about how even the littlest things trigger this tidal wave of emotions that can all be boiled down to feeling like I am completely replaceable in other people's lives. Then she asked me, "Kaila, are you replaceable?"
Her question all but slapped me in the face, and suddenly it was as if someone had turned all the lights on. No. I'm not replaceable.
I have played a number of roles in my relationships: sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend, roommate, what have you. But I was identifying myself so closely with these roles that I wasn't separating out who I am. Not all my roles are set in stone. Sure, someone else can fill roles I've played in the past, but that does not mean I myself am replaceable. It does not, in any way, subtract from who I am. I'm the only person on this planet who walks, talks, thinks, laughs, plays, feels, and loves like Kaila Arielle Bowlin. I am completely irreplaceable :)
My "sore spot" was nothing more than a lie from the pits of hell. The memories and the hurt are all very real, but there was no reason to let it become a pattern. I was believing the lie. I was actively claiming this as a weakness and submitting to the authority I allowed to it have over my life. But I don't have to anymore! I'm covered in the healing blood of Jesus and I have been set free. God is infinitely bigger than this and is more than capable of healing me. All I needed to do was ask Him.
So no more: No more resigning myself to that kind of brokenness. No more believing the lie that I am destined to a constant source of heartache. No more submitting myself to the schemes of the devil. I refuse to continue to give him power over my life. My God is bigger than this, and all authority belongs to Him. In His hands I am healed and whole :)
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galations 5:1
