A lot of times I find that distraction and discouragement catch up with me just as soon as I stop expecting them to. It's becoming something of a pattern, and every time I feel like the walls are closing in again and I can't see the way out. Somehow I always seem to forget that it doesn't matter how trapped I feel when the way out is always up.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne." (Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV).
God has been so faithful in reminding me of this. Unfortunately he has to remind me a lot. But he is so patient. Somehow amidst all my worry and over-thinking he loves me enough to remind me to look at Him. Because regardless of the kind of day I'm having, he is good and constant and ready to take whatever I bring Him. And, regardless of the kind of day I'm having, I find it all seems to fade away when I draw near to him. Never fails :)
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wrestling With God
The best way I can describe the past few days would be to say that I've been wrestling with God a little.
Last Friday night at theMILL, Aaron Stern concluded his "I AM" series by speaking about God's jealousy. How God is jealous for all of us, and he's not satisfied with only the parts we decide we're willing to give him. He desires the same level of intimacy with each of us as he had with his Son.
During worship that night, I really felt a tug in my spirit. I felt that God was asking me to fast from dating. My initial reaction was, "Okay, no big deal. I've already been single for a while, so why not." But there was more:
He asked for a year.
Hence came the wrestling. Naturally, I tried to negotiate. Originally, I (very) reluctantly decided that I would fast from dating, but that I wouldn't put a time limit on it. That way everybody wins. Better yet, if I didn't tell anyone, there would be no one to stay accountable to and no timeline to stay committed to in case something changed. (There I go, trying to be in control again).
But I kept praying about it. A lot. I wanted to be willing to give God a year. I mean, after all, his timing's infinitely better than mine. If he's the one asking me to set aside this time, then I can't possibly be missing out on anything more important. The more I prayed, the more clear it became that God really did want a solid, year-long fast. No more holding out, no more wondering, no more worrying. Just give it up.
Ironically enough, it was June 1st when I was finally able to let go and say yes. God finally brought me to the point where I could fully surrender my desire to fall in love, my desire to get married right out of college, and everything else that goes along with that. Now I'm not single due to the circumstances, I'm single by choice. I'm choosing to give God a year of my undivided attention, and I already know that he's going to abundantly bless the time I give him. I really feel like this decision is bringing me into a new season of life, and I can honestly say that I'm so excited to see how He's going to grow me. And I have a feeling it's going to be a beautiful year :)
Last Friday night at theMILL, Aaron Stern concluded his "I AM" series by speaking about God's jealousy. How God is jealous for all of us, and he's not satisfied with only the parts we decide we're willing to give him. He desires the same level of intimacy with each of us as he had with his Son.
During worship that night, I really felt a tug in my spirit. I felt that God was asking me to fast from dating. My initial reaction was, "Okay, no big deal. I've already been single for a while, so why not." But there was more:
He asked for a year.
Hence came the wrestling. Naturally, I tried to negotiate. Originally, I (very) reluctantly decided that I would fast from dating, but that I wouldn't put a time limit on it. That way everybody wins. Better yet, if I didn't tell anyone, there would be no one to stay accountable to and no timeline to stay committed to in case something changed. (There I go, trying to be in control again).
But I kept praying about it. A lot. I wanted to be willing to give God a year. I mean, after all, his timing's infinitely better than mine. If he's the one asking me to set aside this time, then I can't possibly be missing out on anything more important. The more I prayed, the more clear it became that God really did want a solid, year-long fast. No more holding out, no more wondering, no more worrying. Just give it up.
Ironically enough, it was June 1st when I was finally able to let go and say yes. God finally brought me to the point where I could fully surrender my desire to fall in love, my desire to get married right out of college, and everything else that goes along with that. Now I'm not single due to the circumstances, I'm single by choice. I'm choosing to give God a year of my undivided attention, and I already know that he's going to abundantly bless the time I give him. I really feel like this decision is bringing me into a new season of life, and I can honestly say that I'm so excited to see how He's going to grow me. And I have a feeling it's going to be a beautiful year :)
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