Wrestling With God

The best way I can describe the past few days would be to say that I've been wrestling with God a little.

Last Friday night at theMILL, Aaron Stern concluded his "I AM" series by speaking about God's jealousy. How God is jealous for all of us, and he's not satisfied with only the parts we decide we're willing to give him. He desires the same level of intimacy with each of us as he had with his Son.

During worship that night, I really felt a tug in my spirit. I felt that God was asking me to fast from dating. My initial reaction was, "Okay, no big deal. I've already been single for a while, so why not." But there was more:

He asked for a year.

Hence came the wrestling. Naturally, I tried to negotiate. Originally, I (very) reluctantly decided that I would fast from dating, but that I wouldn't put a time limit on it. That way everybody wins. Better yet, if I didn't tell anyone, there would be no one to stay accountable to and no timeline to stay committed to in case something changed. (There I go, trying to be in control again).

But I kept praying about it. A lot. I wanted to be willing to give God a year. I mean, after all, his timing's infinitely better than mine. If he's the one asking me to set aside this time, then I can't possibly be missing out on anything more important. The more I prayed, the more clear it became that God really did want a solid, year-long fast. No more holding out, no more wondering, no more worrying. Just give it up.

Ironically enough, it was June 1st when I was finally able to let go and say yes. God finally brought me to the point where I could fully surrender my desire to fall in love, my desire to get married right out of college, and everything else that goes along with that. Now I'm not single due to the circumstances, I'm single by choice. I'm choosing to give God a year of my undivided attention, and I already know that he's going to abundantly bless the time I give him. I really feel like this decision is bringing me into a new season of life, and I can honestly say that I'm so excited to see how He's going to grow me. And I have a feeling it's going to be a beautiful year :)