"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.." - Psalm 37:4
I absolutely adore this verse. This verse is a promise--a promise that if we obediently commit our lives to the Lord, diligently pursue Him, and seek to know the depths of His heart, that the desires of our heart will fall in line with His. How beautiful! And really, what more could we ask for? When we truly seek to know Him more, He fills us with his own perfect desires that He already has plans to fulfill.
Again, what more could we ask for?
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Love & Support
Definitions of support (as a verb):
- to provide the necessities of life for
- to give aid or courage to
- to give approval to
- to endure with forbearance
- to give strength to, maintain
- to bear or hold up, serve as a foundation for
- to sustain or withstand without giving way, serve as a prop for
- to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate
Lately, God has really had the word support on my heart. I believe He's teaching me what it means to be unconditionally supportive of the people I love. After my breakup, I started praying that God would teach me what it means to truly love someone; and not strictly limited to a dating relationship, either. I want to learn how to see and love people unconditionally, as God does--the way I'm called to. I think that so often we interpret "love your neighbor as yourself" as "just be nice to everyone." I think we tend to consider this particular command to look more like passive tolerance than active love.
God used the word love here for a reason. If He wanted us to simply "be nice" to one another, He would have said just that. But He took it a step further. "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love and tolerance are entirely different concepts.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
This is a pretty heavy definition, and it's how we are called to treat everyone. Not just our families, not just our significant others, not just our friends or the people we prefer to be around. Everyone. It's not easy; it's not supposed to be. If it was, we'd all be great at it.
People aren't easy to love, yet we're called to love all of them all the time. Love isn't just a feeling or an emotion, it's a mindset. A lifestyle. And the only way to do even a halfway decent job of loving others is to experience true love at it's source.
I'm starting to realize that before you can do a good job of loving any individual person, you must first learn how to love people in general. I used to think that being in love or doing a good job of loving someone would make you good at loving everybody else, but now I'm starting to think that it's the other way around. We have to understand what it means to love before we can effectively narrow it down.
So, to bring this full-circle, I really think that one of the core concepts of love is unconditional support. Helping, encouraging, affirming, and offering strength. It's such an enormous part of any and every relationship. I don't think I'm doing a very good job of articulating my heart on this, but I think that's okay.
Basically, being unconditionally supportive of someone is one of the best, simplest, and most important ways you can love them. And that's just the beginning!
- to provide the necessities of life for
- to give aid or courage to
- to give approval to
- to endure with forbearance
- to give strength to, maintain
- to bear or hold up, serve as a foundation for
- to sustain or withstand without giving way, serve as a prop for
- to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate
Lately, God has really had the word support on my heart. I believe He's teaching me what it means to be unconditionally supportive of the people I love. After my breakup, I started praying that God would teach me what it means to truly love someone; and not strictly limited to a dating relationship, either. I want to learn how to see and love people unconditionally, as God does--the way I'm called to. I think that so often we interpret "love your neighbor as yourself" as "just be nice to everyone." I think we tend to consider this particular command to look more like passive tolerance than active love.
God used the word love here for a reason. If He wanted us to simply "be nice" to one another, He would have said just that. But He took it a step further. "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love and tolerance are entirely different concepts.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
This is a pretty heavy definition, and it's how we are called to treat everyone. Not just our families, not just our significant others, not just our friends or the people we prefer to be around. Everyone. It's not easy; it's not supposed to be. If it was, we'd all be great at it.
People aren't easy to love, yet we're called to love all of them all the time. Love isn't just a feeling or an emotion, it's a mindset. A lifestyle. And the only way to do even a halfway decent job of loving others is to experience true love at it's source.
I'm starting to realize that before you can do a good job of loving any individual person, you must first learn how to love people in general. I used to think that being in love or doing a good job of loving someone would make you good at loving everybody else, but now I'm starting to think that it's the other way around. We have to understand what it means to love before we can effectively narrow it down.
So, to bring this full-circle, I really think that one of the core concepts of love is unconditional support. Helping, encouraging, affirming, and offering strength. It's such an enormous part of any and every relationship. I don't think I'm doing a very good job of articulating my heart on this, but I think that's okay.
Basically, being unconditionally supportive of someone is one of the best, simplest, and most important ways you can love them. And that's just the beginning!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
hate (v.)
Yesterday during worship at New Life I found myself looking around the room, just sort of watching people. I love doing that, maybe even to the point where it's a little weird. But I love watching people worship. It breaks my heart in an incredible way and encourages me more than almost anything else. But this time, God brought a quote to my mind that I had read a few days earlier:
"How do we view those who do not show love for us? Do we see them as persons for whom Christ died or as persons who make our lives difficult?" - Jerry Bridges, The Pursuit of Holiness
Recently I've been noticing more and more people saying things like, "I hate so-and-so." I know I'm guilty of it, and it's really starting to bother me. Hate is such a terrible word, and I really think that it's too strong a word to get thrown around the way it does. It's sad how easy it is for us to say that we hate somebody when we are specifically called to do just the opposite [Matt. 5:43-48].
Obviously, we're not going to get along with everybody. If you do get along with everybody, chances are you're not being real with yourself or anybody else. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we have to like everyone in the whole world. But we are called to something much bigger--to love everyone in the whole world.
So back to the quote: how do we view those who don't show love for us? Or who annoy us? Or are downright mean to us? The world looks down on them and thinks poorly of them. But as Christ-followers, we are called to see them as Jesus does: as lost souls who He was willing to sacrifice His life for. It's pretty sobering to realize that each and every person someone claims to hate, God loves more than anyone could comprehend.
So I challenge you with this: whoever came to your mind as you read this, just remember that Jesus died for them too. We're all just as much in need of grace as they are.
"How do we view those who do not show love for us? Do we see them as persons for whom Christ died or as persons who make our lives difficult?" - Jerry Bridges, The Pursuit of Holiness
Recently I've been noticing more and more people saying things like, "I hate so-and-so." I know I'm guilty of it, and it's really starting to bother me. Hate is such a terrible word, and I really think that it's too strong a word to get thrown around the way it does. It's sad how easy it is for us to say that we hate somebody when we are specifically called to do just the opposite [Matt. 5:43-48].
Obviously, we're not going to get along with everybody. If you do get along with everybody, chances are you're not being real with yourself or anybody else. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we have to like everyone in the whole world. But we are called to something much bigger--to love everyone in the whole world.
So back to the quote: how do we view those who don't show love for us? Or who annoy us? Or are downright mean to us? The world looks down on them and thinks poorly of them. But as Christ-followers, we are called to see them as Jesus does: as lost souls who He was willing to sacrifice His life for. It's pretty sobering to realize that each and every person someone claims to hate, God loves more than anyone could comprehend.
So I challenge you with this: whoever came to your mind as you read this, just remember that Jesus died for them too. We're all just as much in need of grace as they are.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I am Free
I've been debating whether or not I want this particular topic to be world wide web-accessible, but I think that transparency is a really important part of fellowship and relationship. And if God's doing something incredible, why keep it to myself? So, here it goes...
When I first started seeing my counselor back in October, she had me take an anxiety inventory and a depression inventory to gauge where I was at. I scored a 66 on my anxiety inventory, which is classified as extreme anxiety/panic. I scored a 26 on my depression inventory, which is classified as moderate depression. Filling out these inventories and hearing my results in and of itself was really tough. Even though it wasn't exactly news to me, it all suddenly felt really official, and that was scary. A lot of that comes from the horrible stigmas associated with depression and anxiety disorders, but I also succumbed to believing the devil's lies when he told me that I was a lesser person because of them. It was a difficult season to say the least.
Today during my appointment with my counselor, she had me re-take both inventories to see where I'm at now. My anxiety score went from 66 to 11, and my depression score went from 26 to 2. Was I surprised? Not really. The last 7 months have been very rough, but I've learned so much and come so far, and God continues to prove His faithfulness and love for me. But having it put plainly on paper like that was so huge. As I think back to where I was last semester, I'm completely overwhelmed by how drastically things have changed. I'm so happy, I'm content with where God has me, and I can't remember the last time I had a panic attack or the last time I cried. I'm falling more in love with Jesus every day, and He's putting incredible people in my life to walk alongside me. He's answering my prayers and giving me new dreams and desires for my future. I'm constantly being reminded of how far we've come and all the healing and restoration God has done in my heart and in my life.
To put it simply: I've been set free!!
When I first started seeing my counselor back in October, she had me take an anxiety inventory and a depression inventory to gauge where I was at. I scored a 66 on my anxiety inventory, which is classified as extreme anxiety/panic. I scored a 26 on my depression inventory, which is classified as moderate depression. Filling out these inventories and hearing my results in and of itself was really tough. Even though it wasn't exactly news to me, it all suddenly felt really official, and that was scary. A lot of that comes from the horrible stigmas associated with depression and anxiety disorders, but I also succumbed to believing the devil's lies when he told me that I was a lesser person because of them. It was a difficult season to say the least.
Today during my appointment with my counselor, she had me re-take both inventories to see where I'm at now. My anxiety score went from 66 to 11, and my depression score went from 26 to 2. Was I surprised? Not really. The last 7 months have been very rough, but I've learned so much and come so far, and God continues to prove His faithfulness and love for me. But having it put plainly on paper like that was so huge. As I think back to where I was last semester, I'm completely overwhelmed by how drastically things have changed. I'm so happy, I'm content with where God has me, and I can't remember the last time I had a panic attack or the last time I cried. I'm falling more in love with Jesus every day, and He's putting incredible people in my life to walk alongside me. He's answering my prayers and giving me new dreams and desires for my future. I'm constantly being reminded of how far we've come and all the healing and restoration God has done in my heart and in my life.
To put it simply: I've been set free!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
ROPES
This summer I'm going to Cambodia.
Yesterday all theMILL missions teams did team building exercises at a ROPES course in Black Forest. We camped out Friday night and spent all day yesterday bonding through trust and cooperation exercises. It was incredible!
Between two of the elements, our guides suggested that we do a "prayer car wash." We formed two lines facing each other and took turns walking down the middle while the people in line laid hands on us, prayed, and spoke words over us. The Holy Spirit was really moving, and it was absolutely incredible to see my team come together the way we did. I was so encouraged when it was my turn. These are some of the things that my teammates prayed/spoke over me:
~ "I see strength in you; strength that you don't even realize yet."
~ "God had a plan for you before you were even born. He knows every hair on your head and every fiber in your heart. And He loves you more than you could possibly know."
~ One of our guides saw a vision of the two Marys: Mary the mother of Jesus, and Mary Magdalene. He talked about Mary obeying by bringing Jesus into this world, and Mary Magdalene obeying by worshiping Him at His resurrection. He said that I exemplify both of these.
~ Our other guide prophesied that there is someone special for me to minister to in Cambodia. Someone who needs me and who will be anxious to hear my story, and who I will have the opportunity to share the love of Christ with. She also spoke 1 John 4:17 over me: "By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world." She said, "Kaila, as He is, so you are."
~ I am in a season of renewal, and I was specifically told to "enjoy this time."
~ I was told that I have no reason to worry or strive, because I have been renewed.
~ One of my leaders described me as "lost in the Spirit," and commented that I had prayed about specific things in his life that I had no way of knowing about.
~ Freedom
~ The words "the embodiment of beauty" and "bride of Christ."
Unfortunately I can't remember everything; but I do remember sobbing as my teammates laid hands on me and spoke such powerful, encouraging words over and into my life. This was one of the most powerful prayer experiences I've ever had; both being prayed for, and praying for my Cambodia family. We came together on so many new levels yesterday, and it was absolutely beautiful. Each and every time we meet, God knits our hearts a little bit closer together, and I understand a little bit more clearly why God brought the 13 of us together. God is going to do some BIG things in Cambodia, and even the preparation is overwhelming. He is moving, and doing things in my mind and in my heart that I can't even begin to explain. All I know is that He is confirming each and every step I take toward Cambodia in ways I never expected.
All I can say is, wow!
Yesterday all theMILL missions teams did team building exercises at a ROPES course in Black Forest. We camped out Friday night and spent all day yesterday bonding through trust and cooperation exercises. It was incredible!
Between two of the elements, our guides suggested that we do a "prayer car wash." We formed two lines facing each other and took turns walking down the middle while the people in line laid hands on us, prayed, and spoke words over us. The Holy Spirit was really moving, and it was absolutely incredible to see my team come together the way we did. I was so encouraged when it was my turn. These are some of the things that my teammates prayed/spoke over me:
~ "I see strength in you; strength that you don't even realize yet."
~ "God had a plan for you before you were even born. He knows every hair on your head and every fiber in your heart. And He loves you more than you could possibly know."
~ One of our guides saw a vision of the two Marys: Mary the mother of Jesus, and Mary Magdalene. He talked about Mary obeying by bringing Jesus into this world, and Mary Magdalene obeying by worshiping Him at His resurrection. He said that I exemplify both of these.
~ Our other guide prophesied that there is someone special for me to minister to in Cambodia. Someone who needs me and who will be anxious to hear my story, and who I will have the opportunity to share the love of Christ with. She also spoke 1 John 4:17 over me: "By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world." She said, "Kaila, as He is, so you are."
~ I am in a season of renewal, and I was specifically told to "enjoy this time."
~ I was told that I have no reason to worry or strive, because I have been renewed.
~ One of my leaders described me as "lost in the Spirit," and commented that I had prayed about specific things in his life that I had no way of knowing about.
~ Freedom
~ The words "the embodiment of beauty" and "bride of Christ."
Unfortunately I can't remember everything; but I do remember sobbing as my teammates laid hands on me and spoke such powerful, encouraging words over and into my life. This was one of the most powerful prayer experiences I've ever had; both being prayed for, and praying for my Cambodia family. We came together on so many new levels yesterday, and it was absolutely beautiful. Each and every time we meet, God knits our hearts a little bit closer together, and I understand a little bit more clearly why God brought the 13 of us together. God is going to do some BIG things in Cambodia, and even the preparation is overwhelming. He is moving, and doing things in my mind and in my heart that I can't even begin to explain. All I know is that He is confirming each and every step I take toward Cambodia in ways I never expected.
All I can say is, wow!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A New Heart, Part 2
I recently purchased the new New Life Worship album, "You Hold It All," and have been listening to it nonstop for a week. My favorite song on the album is called "Dry Bones," which is based on Ezekiel 37:1-14. It's a beautiful song and an incredible passage in Scripture. The song has been stuck in my head for days, so I keep going back and rereading Ezekiel 37. I decided to read it again tonight as I got in bed, but I realized that I left my NASB Bible (the one I always use) downstairs and I was too lazy to go down and get it...typical. So I looked it up in my NIV Bible. But as soon as I'd flipped to the right page something else caught my attention: a few verses I had underlined about a year ago...
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." - Ezekiel 36:25-27
I remembered blogging about this verse a long time ago, so I found it and reread it. It was just over a year ago, March 11, 2010. Coincidentally, I was in just about the exact same place situationally as I am right now: post-breakup. But emotionally, spiritually, and mentally I'm a completely different person. I have to be honest, I'm in complete awe of God right now. Everything about this is so perfect. I feel like this promise is finally coming full-circle for me.
Okay, let's back up: recently I feel like God has really put it on my heart to study the fruit of the Spirit in my quiet times. I really want to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit at all times, and I want my life to bear fruit as evidence of Christ in me. I've been praying about it a lot, asking God where to start. Then I went to theMILL on Friday night. Aaron Stern is starting a new series called "Pneuma." What's it about? The Holy Spirit. Coincidence? I think not :) I consider that prayer answered!
During worship on Friday night I really felt God break my heart. I'd had a pretty rough week and made some pretty bad decisions, so I was feeling pretty down. I'd been feeling like I'd canceled out all the progress I've made. But as we sang the song "Healer," I was holding my hands out and happened to open my eyes and see the tattoo on my wrist. My reminder of the progress I've made and all the ways Jesus has healed me and set me free. Then it dawned on me: how could anything I do, no matter how stupid, cancel out what God has done in me? My bad week was distracting me, but it didn't change who I am or the healing God has done in my heart. God doesn't unheal; I just lost sight of His hand for a while.
At some point while all of this was going on in my head I knelt down, and as soon as I did I heard His voice. Not audibly, but in my heart. It was quiet and gentle, but perfectly clear. He asked me for the part of my heart I was saving for Aaron.
Now this might sound a little ridiculous, but I had never thought of it that way before; that I was actually holding on to a piece of my heart and working to preserve my feelings in hopes of another chance someday. But holding out for Aaron meant holding out on God. As soon as I heard God ask me for the rest of my heart--ask me, not demand it--I smiled. Because now it all makes sense.
God's hand in my life is SO evident to me right now. I feel like I've finally given Jesus full reign and surrendered my whole heart to Him. I feel lighter. And I feel so in tune with God's Spirit. Like my biggest, highest wall has finally been torn down. I believe with all my heart that God promised Ezekiel 36:25-27 to me on March 11, 2010. And I believe that today He is finally fulfilling that promise.
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." - Ezekiel 36:25-27
I remembered blogging about this verse a long time ago, so I found it and reread it. It was just over a year ago, March 11, 2010. Coincidentally, I was in just about the exact same place situationally as I am right now: post-breakup. But emotionally, spiritually, and mentally I'm a completely different person. I have to be honest, I'm in complete awe of God right now. Everything about this is so perfect. I feel like this promise is finally coming full-circle for me.
Okay, let's back up: recently I feel like God has really put it on my heart to study the fruit of the Spirit in my quiet times. I really want to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit at all times, and I want my life to bear fruit as evidence of Christ in me. I've been praying about it a lot, asking God where to start. Then I went to theMILL on Friday night. Aaron Stern is starting a new series called "Pneuma." What's it about? The Holy Spirit. Coincidence? I think not :) I consider that prayer answered!
During worship on Friday night I really felt God break my heart. I'd had a pretty rough week and made some pretty bad decisions, so I was feeling pretty down. I'd been feeling like I'd canceled out all the progress I've made. But as we sang the song "Healer," I was holding my hands out and happened to open my eyes and see the tattoo on my wrist. My reminder of the progress I've made and all the ways Jesus has healed me and set me free. Then it dawned on me: how could anything I do, no matter how stupid, cancel out what God has done in me? My bad week was distracting me, but it didn't change who I am or the healing God has done in my heart. God doesn't unheal; I just lost sight of His hand for a while.
At some point while all of this was going on in my head I knelt down, and as soon as I did I heard His voice. Not audibly, but in my heart. It was quiet and gentle, but perfectly clear. He asked me for the part of my heart I was saving for Aaron.
Now this might sound a little ridiculous, but I had never thought of it that way before; that I was actually holding on to a piece of my heart and working to preserve my feelings in hopes of another chance someday. But holding out for Aaron meant holding out on God. As soon as I heard God ask me for the rest of my heart--ask me, not demand it--I smiled. Because now it all makes sense.
God's hand in my life is SO evident to me right now. I feel like I've finally given Jesus full reign and surrendered my whole heart to Him. I feel lighter. And I feel so in tune with God's Spirit. Like my biggest, highest wall has finally been torn down. I believe with all my heart that God promised Ezekiel 36:25-27 to me on March 11, 2010. And I believe that today He is finally fulfilling that promise.
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