I recently purchased the new New Life Worship album, "You Hold It All," and have been listening to it nonstop for a week. My favorite song on the album is called "Dry Bones," which is based on Ezekiel 37:1-14. It's a beautiful song and an incredible passage in Scripture. The song has been stuck in my head for days, so I keep going back and rereading Ezekiel 37. I decided to read it again tonight as I got in bed, but I realized that I left my NASB Bible (the one I always use) downstairs and I was too lazy to go down and get it...typical. So I looked it up in my NIV Bible. But as soon as I'd flipped to the right page something else caught my attention: a few verses I had underlined about a year ago...
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." - Ezekiel 36:25-27
I remembered blogging about this verse a long time ago, so I found it and reread it. It was just over a year ago, March 11, 2010. Coincidentally, I was in just about the exact same place situationally as I am right now: post-breakup. But emotionally, spiritually, and mentally I'm a completely different person. I have to be honest, I'm in complete awe of God right now. Everything about this is so perfect. I feel like this promise is finally coming full-circle for me.
Okay, let's back up: recently I feel like God has really put it on my heart to study the fruit of the Spirit in my quiet times. I really want to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit at all times, and I want my life to bear fruit as evidence of Christ in me. I've been praying about it a lot, asking God where to start. Then I went to theMILL on Friday night. Aaron Stern is starting a new series called "Pneuma." What's it about? The Holy Spirit. Coincidence? I think not :) I consider that prayer answered!
During worship on Friday night I really felt God break my heart. I'd had a pretty rough week and made some pretty bad decisions, so I was feeling pretty down. I'd been feeling like I'd canceled out all the progress I've made. But as we sang the song "Healer," I was holding my hands out and happened to open my eyes and see the tattoo on my wrist. My reminder of the progress I've made and all the ways Jesus has healed me and set me free. Then it dawned on me: how could anything I do, no matter how stupid, cancel out what God has done in me? My bad week was distracting me, but it didn't change who I am or the healing God has done in my heart. God doesn't unheal; I just lost sight of His hand for a while.
At some point while all of this was going on in my head I knelt down, and as soon as I did I heard His voice. Not audibly, but in my heart. It was quiet and gentle, but perfectly clear. He asked me for the part of my heart I was saving for Aaron.
Now this might sound a little ridiculous, but I had never thought of it that way before; that I was actually holding on to a piece of my heart and working to preserve my feelings in hopes of another chance someday. But holding out for Aaron meant holding out on God. As soon as I heard God ask me for the rest of my heart--ask me, not demand it--I smiled. Because now it all makes sense.
God's hand in my life is SO evident to me right now. I feel like I've finally given Jesus full reign and surrendered my whole heart to Him. I feel lighter. And I feel so in tune with God's Spirit. Like my biggest, highest wall has finally been torn down. I believe with all my heart that God promised Ezekiel 36:25-27 to me on March 11, 2010. And I believe that today He is finally fulfilling that promise.
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