"What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops." - Matthew 10:27
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Make Me Meek
I've never really considered pride to be a huge struggle for me. And now, simply seeing that sentence written out I feel foolish. Everybody struggles with pride, just in different ways. See, I've always pictured pride as that cocky, look-what-I-can-do kind of attitude. But I read this today, and it definitely changed my perspective:
"As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol. How then can you hope for inward peace? The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Continue this fight through the years and the burden will become intolerable. Yet the sons of earth are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against them, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before them." - A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
It's not so much that I was becoming my own god, it's that I was trying to be somebody else's. I went so far as to place the vast majority of my value in the role I played in that somebody's life. I wanted to be his everything. Because of that, it felt like I was competing against every other girl in his life for the love and affection that I thought I alone deserved. I wanted to be set apart. I convinced myself that this was what every girl deserves. Don't get me wrong, I believe that every girl deserves to be pursued by a man, and to know that she is captivating and beautiful. Every girl deserves to feel special to someone. Unfortunately, I just took it too far and expected more than what was fair of me. For that I'm very sorry.
The worst part of stuff like this is being so wrapped up that you don't realize it. I know and believe with all my heart that the only thing big enough to fill the depth of my desire to find my worth is Jesus. Nothing else fulfills, nothing else satisfies. And that goes for that somebody, too. I could never fulfill him or anyone the way Jesus can.
Realizing this has really humbled my heart. I absolutely love that Tozer goes on to say, "The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort." I consider this a challenge. I've always been very insecure and in need of affirmation. But now I'm choosing to do everything in my power to let that go for good in hopes that Jesus will make me more like Him.
Make me meek, Jesus, and let all my confidence be forever in You.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Proverbs 31 Woman (Part 3)
So I have to be honest--I've struggled to find the motivation to finish my study on what it means to be the Proverbs 31 Woman. But today I feel like God has it specially on my heart to finish. So here it goes...
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen.
Back when Proverbs was written, linen garments were considered finery. I don't want to over-exegete this verse, but it seems like it's saying that a woman of the Lord profits from her skill and productivity.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.
A good friend gave me this verse once to encourage me and I absolutely love it. As a woman of God, I am called to cover myself with strength and dignity. I love the "clothing" metaphor. Getting dressed is one of the first things we do in the morning and it's how we start each and every day. As a woman of God, I am to begin each day by putting on strength and dignity. Dignity is defined as, "the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect." Dignity in itself is a high calling, but one that is absolutely achievable if we truly submit our hearts to God and pursue Him in everything. And I love the phrase, "she smiles at the future." I have no need to worry. When I put my trust in the Lord all there is to do is smile, because I know that He has everything under control.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
This is so beautiful. A woman of God knows both when to speak and what to say. She also teaches others to be kind, as well as gives instruction with and out of kindness. I can't help but associate this with gentleness and poise.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Simply put: a woman of God is not lazy. She is vigilant and keeps watch over her family.
28-29 Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and her praises her, saying: 'Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.'
A woman of God is lovable and loved. Not only does she possess all these wonderful, godly characteristics, she is known for them. I hope and pray that one day my husband and children cay say this of me. I think it's also necessary to point out that this isn't for pride's sake by any means. I want to be identified as a woman of God simply because of the way I live my life, not because of a selfish effort to achieve biblical perfection. Achieving these things in vain is no better than never achieving them at all.
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
This verse is pretty popular, and I think the core message of it does a pretty good job of summing up all 21 verses: the most important thing about a woman (or any person, for that matter) is her relationship with the Lord. Charm and beauty may be important things in today's society, but in the end it won't matter how charming we were or how beautiful we were by the world's standards. None of it lasts. As Peter puts it, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight" (1 Peter 3:3-6).
31 Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
So what did I learn from all this? Where to begin...I can say that a lot of reflection and processing went on throughout the past week or so that has allowed me to apply this knowledge to my life in actual, practical ways. I'm always seeing areas in my life where I'm failing to exemplify many of these qualities. I often make the mistake of perceiving it on a success continuum; as in one day I'll have finally mastered all this and I can finally be considered a "good" woman of God. But God is gracious enough to show me over and over again that the walk of faith is one of obedience, not success. I'm never gonna master any of this as long as I'm human. But I find so much comfort in the fact that God doesn't expect that of me. All He asks is that I do my best each and every day to pursue Him and in that, to bear fruit. God has grace for the times that I fail. I'm by no means saying that it's okay to be content with never achieving any of this; but I am saying that I'm required to obey and to strive for holiness, not to be perfect. And so that's what I'm choosing: to run as fast as I can in His direction and let that be all I need.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Proverbs 31 Woman (Part 2)
A woman who fears the Lord is a rare and precious thing. She is trustworthy, she is good and kind always, she works and serves joyfully and willingly, she is dependable, diligent, wise, and discerning.
And on that note, let's continue.
17 She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
In other translations, this verse reads: "She is energetic and strong, a hard worker" (NLT); "First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started" (Message); "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks" (NIV); "She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong" (ESV). I think that this individual verse says a lot about the character of a true woman of God. I must be energetic, strong, hard-working, eager, thorough, willing, diligent, persistent, and driven. And those are just a few.
18 She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night.
Again, emphasizing some of the characteristics I mentioned before, in addition to being frugal, conscientious, wise, sensible, and logical.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle.
Again: hard-working, diligent, thorough, etc.
20 She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy.
A woman of God is compassionate, loving, generous, selfless, kind, good, and aware. Her attention extends beyond that of herself and her family. She is a giver.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
A woman of God plans ahead and provides accordingly. Her focus is not simply on the here-and-now, but also on what is to come. She is well-prepared and meets the needs of her family.
22 She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
A woman of God is self-sufficient.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
To be honest, I'm a little hesitant to exegete this verse. It could probably be interpreted specifically as well as more generally. What I will say is that a woman of God and her family are recognized as respectable.
Proverbs 31: 17-23
[Some of this may seem brief, and I agree that I'm leaving plenty of room for a much more in-depth analysis. But I'm doing this for me, and the things I'm learning from this are just right for where I'm at. Just saying.]
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Control (or a lack thereof)
Over spring break I got my second tattoo. About two weeks ago I got my lip pierced. Two days ago I chopped six inches of my hair off. But for what?
Insecurity has always been a really big struggle for me. I've never really been confident in the way I look, and that always converted into shyness on my part. But in the past few months my personality has really begun to blossom--I'm bolder, more confident, even starting to become somewhat outgoing. I credit all of this to the work Jesus is doing in my heart. He's revealing Himself to me more and more each and every day; He's showing me who He created me to be and giving me confidence in that. My journey thus far has been beautiful, and I couldn't be happier with where He has me.
I have this other tendency: to get bored with myself and suddenly restless to change something. Usually, it translates to a new hairstyle and/or color, but my impulsive changes have gotten more drastic lately. Don't misunderstand me here; nothing has been a split-second decision. A lot of thought has gone into each one, along with permission from my parents. I don't regret chopping my hair, piercing my lip, or getting my tattoo. What I do regret is how I've let them start to define me. I've started identifying myself in my appearance rather than in my Savior. Again, please don't misunderstand--I don't spend any more time looking in the mirror now that I did before, and although I'm very content with the way I look, I still don't have that "hot stuff" mindset that a lot of girls do. But what I'm realizing that it's not my appearance in itself that I've lost myself to this time, it's my need for control. In high school and up through my first year of college, when things were hard and I was really struggling, I exercised my need for control over food, because I didn't feel like I had control over what was happening to me. That is such a dangerous place to be; I struggled with eating disorders for years, and the leftover tendencies are still something I have to be careful of. This time it crept up on me, and I didn't even realize it until I started writing this. The past few months have left me feeling out of control again, and I've tried to compensate for that by taking control over the way I look.
Obviously, my need for control is a pattern in my life, and something I really need to work on; but I'm confident that He is already working on my heart. My first reaction after realizing this is to feel ashamed, but on second thought, I don't think that's necessary. Everybody struggles with something. I've made so much progress in the past few months, and realizing this doesn't cancel any of that out--it's just opens another door for more progress in another direction.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Proverbs 31 Woman (Part 1)
10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
Proverbs 21:4 says, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones." The word 'excellent' here also translates to 'virtuous.' This is a little nerve-racking, to be honest. Obviously it's so important for a woman to be virtuous and therefore considered excellent, but to fail at this means bringing other people down.
Proverbs 19:14 says, "...but a prudent wife is from the Lord." This one actually makes me feel a little better. If I lose myself in Jesus I really don't have anything to worry about :)
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
Obviously, being trustworthy is a really important quality, but for some reason I was a little surprised to notice it listed first. But I guess when you think about it, trust is the foundation of all good, healthy relationships. But this goes so much deeper than simply not telling lies. The word 'trustworthy' is defined as 'able to be relied on as honest or truthful.' This also means being dependable. It means being vulnerable with people so that they're comfortable being vulnerable with you. It's being approachable, receptive, and easy to talk to. It's being the type of woman people know will always listen.
12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
This one is kind of a no-brainer. Except the words 'all the days of her life.' Nobody can honestly say that they've been sweet and kind to everybody every single day of her life. Nobody's perfect. But as a worthy woman of God, I'm called to be sweet and kind to everybody always, not just when it's easy or when I feel like it. So even (and especially) when I'm having a bad day, or I'm frustrated, or I'm not feeling well, I'm to be sweet and gentle and loving. Galatians 5:22 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." That's the secret of doing good ALL the days of my life: being filled with the Holy Spirit.
13 She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight.
"In delight" here means willingly. As a woman of God, I'm to work and serve others joyfully and willingly, "as for the Lord, not for men" (Colossians 3:23). Complaining is easy. Taking short cuts is easy. Giving up is easy. But if being a worthy woman of God was easy, everyone would be doing it. I really think that's how we develop qualities like the fruit of the Spirit--by submitting to the Lord and to others with a happy heart, and by serving others without expecting to be immediately gratified.
14 She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.
The only cross reference for this verse is Ezekiel 27:25, which says, "The ships of Tarshish were carriers for your merchandise. And you were filled and were very glorious in the heart of the seas." If I am to be like a merchant ship, I am to be dependable and know my role. I am to provide, and provide enough; and therefore bring contentment and satisfaction to those around me.
15 She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens.
I am called to be diligent and never lazy. I am to maintain a fervent spirit as I serve others and ultimately, Jesus. This involves being faithful and sensible, and reliable in performing tasks.
16 She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard.
I believe this verse speaks strongly of discernment and making wise choices, along with being frugal and efficient. Wisdom and discernment only come from a strong relationship with the Lord and connection to the Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 31:10-16
More to come!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Thankful
The pearl she found one day glistened in the smile of a grizzled street veteran who lived under a railroad trestle in a cardboard box shaped like a casket. This man ate from garbage cans, an unpleasant truth you knew automatically if you had a nose. His beard was matted with dried vomit and the remnants of his last few meals, and he reeked so strongly of booze that it seemed he might explode if someone got too close and struck a match.
Here was a man whose life seemed disposable. Yet he found a reason to smile. Drawn to him, Deborah offered him a plate of home-cooked food and a prayer. Then, truly puzzled, she asked him, 'Why are you so happy?'
'I woke up!' he replied, eyes twinkling in his haggard face, "and that's reason enough to be happy!'
This is so humbling! It's so easy to forget to be thankful, especially when you're accustomed to being blessed. But to be thankful for waking up in the morning--especially if you overslept and are late, or if you have too much to do that day, or if you don't feel good--seems almost foreign; when, in fact, it's something the vast majority of us take for granted on a daily basis.
I was thinking today about how thankful I am for my job, when it occurred to me that I don't remember ever taking the time to thank God for providing it for me. For about a week straight I went around telling people I got the job. But I didn't get anything--I was graciously provided with it. It's a wonderful job and absolutely perfect for me, it's full-time and allows me visit the pool and the zoo on at least a weekly basis, the kids are wonderful, and I love getting a chance to play the part of mom...all the more reason to give thanks!
I have a lot to be thankful for--a lot of things I've been blessed and provided with that I don't necessarily need or deserve. All too often I forget to thank God for those things, let alone the fact that I'm healthy; there's air in my lungs; I can walk, talk, hear, see, smell, taste, and feel. The little privileges that I take for granted every single day constitute coveted losses and desperate desires for some people, and here I am walking around like I did something to deserve them.
Having a thankful heart is something that's SO important to me, especially lately. My heart is so full with thoughts and feelings about this that the best I can manage right now is a huge smile, because words don't even do this justice. I woke up this morning, and God only knows if I'll be lucky enough to do it again tomorrow. Right now that's enough for me :)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Pursuit of a Holy Mind
I think a lot of times we kid ourselves into thinking that just because we don't actually, physically commit a sin that we've dodged the bullet. But not only are we called to not sin, we are called to avoid harvesting any thoughts or feelings that lead us in sin's direction.
"Therefore *consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry...But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth." - Colossians 3: 5, 8
I think it's interesting here that Paul has two separate lists--one of physical sins and one of sins of the heart. In God's eyes, they're one in the same; but we've somehow gotten away with categorizing them as either "actual sin" or "close calls," and even beyond that we've managed to excuse some sins while punishing others at the legal level.
The original text literally translates to, "Therefore, put to death the members of your earthly body..." We are called to action here. It's not just attempting to avoid things like immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed; it's actively casting them out of our lives. When it comes to sin, we weren't meant to simply play defense.
So what does that look like? It starts with removing temptation. Don't sit back and wait until a specific struggle presents itself to deal with it--go after it in the name of Jesus and send that sucker back where it came from!
"But immorality or any impurity or greed must mot even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks." - Ephesians 5:3-4
I used to have it in my head that this verse was going a little overboard. But let's be real: it's the Word of God, and what He says goes. I know it seems a little ridiculous, especially considering the world we live in; but when I think about how badly I want to pursue a life of holiness in EVERYTHING I do, say, think, and project...it's suddenly not ridiculous at all. If I truly want my heart to match God's, I can't make exceptions. That means watching what I say and being careful of the jokes I make and/or laugh at. It means not being sarcastic, but making an effort to let every word be edifying. I want people to look at me and see Jesus always, not just when I'm thinking about it.
Once again, we're not playing defense here:
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." - Philippians 4:8
That's a pretty long list of qualifications for our thoughts. And we are called to dwell on these thoughts. To ponder, meditate, mull over, analyze, question, discuss, read, memorize,think, speak and live these thoughts. It's not always easy or even natural, but it's absolutely attainable. With time, it can and should become a wonderful habit. And really, how can we honestly say that we are pursuing holiness if we aren't actually making the effort?
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Stuck in a Rut
Well, wow--this is certainly humbling. So often I find myself asking God for the things I want and wonder why it seems as if He hasn't heard me. I am so guilty of asking God for things simply because I want them--in this case, for Him to restore a broken relationship--not stopping to think about whether or not it's good for me, edifying to the Lord, or even what He wants for my life.
So here I am, thinking I've learned a valuable life lesson when, in actuality, I halfheartedly realized something and failed to apply it to my life. I can honestly say that I want nothing more or less than what God wants for my life. The thing is, regardless of my motives, I get busy and my prayer life becomes sluggish, allowing room for my prayers to become more selfishly motivated.
Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart." But where does that start? It seems fairly simple, but our own selfish desires never fail to get in the way and blur our vision.
"Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you." - James 4:7-10
I wholeheartedly believe that delighting in the Lord must begin with completely ridding us of ourselves, and that is not a pleasant process. Resisting temptation isn't easy. Denying ourselves of the things the world has conditioned us to want can be excruciating. It involves laying down our pride and allowing ourselves to be completely broken. It's not easy, but it's so necessary. God can't line desires of my heart up with His if I keep getting in the way. I read a quote today that really resonates with me: "It is not within our power to create the wind or to change its direction, but we can raise our sails to catch it when it comes." I'm still trying too hard to stay in control and to get my way. But that's not my job. My job is to submit wholeheartedly to the Lord and let Him take the wheel. That involves a lot of trust on my part, which unfortunately still isn't one of my strong suits. But I know that sitting back and letting Jesus have His way in me is so much better than trying to navigate these waters on my own; because simply put, I can't.