I recently started reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. I'm barely six chapters in and it's already blowing my mind. It's funny how things you thought you had a firm grasp on can totally come alive when someone else puts them into words.
For example:
The authors make mention of a passage in Acts [17:26-28], saying, "...Paul gives the Athenians the stunning news that every single thing in the lives of both nations and individuals is orchestrated with the sole objective that they might seek God" (p. 66, emphasis mine).
Umm...WOAH.
I've read through Acts more than once, and I like to think that deep down I've always known this. But the way it's worded here is so eye opening! "Sole objective." That sentence is convicting and humbling and challenging all at once. It really makes you reevaluate your attitude.
If you've been around me at any point over the past few months (eight, to be exact), you know that my season of job hunting was extremely difficult for me. It's easy to say or hear things like "God has a plan" and "it's all in His timing" and so on. But when you've been actively searching for jobs and have submitted upwards of 200 (literally) applications, it's not so easy to feel that way. It was much easier to feel abandoned and get frustrated. Or to put it more succinctly, to doubt God. There I am 100% guilty.
Over the past couple of weeks, the Lord has been gently and graciously opening my eyes to just how awful my attitude really was during that season. I managed to make my whole life all about me without even really noticing; and when I did notice, I was past the point of caring.
Aaron Stern recently finished a series called "Center," all about how God's desire is not to be first on a list but the center of everything in our lives. It's the truth and I knew that. Each week I found myself reevaluating and re-prioritizing the things in my life that were displacing God from the center. Somehow I still felt this disconnect that has managed to persist until now, as I'm sitting here typing and simultaneously trying to decide what I want for breakfast. And I'm literally shaking my head because sometimes I just don't understand how I can manage to be so blind.
Finding a job is what's been displacing God at the center of my life. Good grief.
I'm actually kind of embarrassed, because thinking back, I'm sure the people close to me picked up on it before I did. For months, I have been consumed by trying to find a job. Obsessive, even. It's what I spent most of my free time doing, and all of my time worrying about. And then, after a couple of months passed, I let in frustration. Jealousy of friends of mine who had found jobs. Disappointment, discouragement, hurt, anxiety, fear, and finally, doubt that God had a plan for me at all. (I hate to admit that, but it's true). Let me tell you that carrying all that around while trying to keep God at the center of your life simply can't be done. I had a choice to make: my feelings or trusting God; and I chose wrong. I wish I could tell you that I persevered and kept my chin up and I always knew God was going to come through. Everyone else around me seemed to. Unfortunately, those looming feelings--better yet, let's call them lies--were much more immediate. I found myself asking and wondering things like, "God, why are you putting me through this?"
There's a story in John chapter 9, where Jesus encounters a man born blind. His disciples ask him whether the reason for his blindness was his sin or his parents'. "Jesus answered, 'It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him'" (John 9:3).
Again: umm...WOAH.
Sometimes things happen to us that we don't or can't understand. Regardless, He can see the bigger picture. He understands, so we don't necessarily have to. I'm learning that instead of viewing trials or difficult seasons solely from the inside, it's important to remember that God is bigger and sees past it as just a small part of a much bigger plan. That plan is and always has been His own glory. He created us for the sole purpose of glorifying Him, not to be consumed by our own personal drama. That's the bottom line. That's what I keep forgetting. My life was not designed to be about me. It was designed to be about Him.
{Insert big, heavy sigh}
I sat down to write about something else entirely. Just saying.
All this to say that God is faithful, even when we fail to be. He is at work, even and especially when we fail to see how. And at the end of the day, it's His story that matters most. Praise God that story includes His continual pursuit of our rebellious hearts!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
DREAM JOB!
It's official: I've been accepted into the Nurse Residency Program at Cheyenne Regional Medical Center in Cheyenne, Wyoming as their newest pediatric RN!
I couldn't be more thrilled, and this couldn't have been more God-orchestrated. Allow me to explain...
First of all, I applied on a whim a little over a month ago. One of the requirements for the program was to have graduated less than 6 months prior, and for me, that time frame was close to 8 months. I addressed this (rather bluntly) in my cover letter, asking to be considered anyway, but I wasn't holding my breath. I had already applied for several other jobs that day and didn't think twice about it at the time.
A couple of weeks passed and I still hadn't received one of those awful computer-automated rejection emails. At that point I was starting to feel a little glimmer of hope. I actually had a good feeling about it, but past experience taught me never to get my hopes up. So, I waited.
The director of the program called me about two weeks ago saying that the Mother/Baby unit wanted to interview me. This both shocked and excited me--I had never really thought much about working in postpartum, but the more I thought about, the more excited I got about the idea. I was told that if my first interview went well, I would have a second one that same afternoon, so to plan on being in Cheyenne all day.
So, on Monday morning of last week I showed up to my interview, only to find out that the position they were interviewing me for was in Labor & Delivery, not Mother/Baby. The two nurse managers from the Women's and Children's Services department interviewed me. They were both very kind, and I could tell right off the bat that our personalities meshed well, which helped put me at ease. As they were wrapping up the interview, they said told me that they wanted to go ahead and set up my second interview right away. I waited for about 10 minutes, and they took me up to the floor where I interviewed with the clinical coordinator, a charge nurse, and two RNs. It was a little more daunting being interviewed by four people instead of two, but again, I felt like we were meshing well which helped a LOT. I left that interview feeling good about both of them, but still not wanting to get my hopes up.
I was told that I would most likely hear something by Wednesday at the latest, so naturally, I spent the next 48 hours staring at my phone waiting for it to ring. Finally, at about 4:30 pm on Wednesday, one of the nurse managers (from my first interview) called. She asked me where my first choice would be to work if I could choose any department. (This made me nervous, because I was afraid that if I said anything other than Labor & Delivery it would completely ruin my chances of getting the job). I was honest, and I told her that my heart was for pediatrics, and that that had been my goal from the very beginning. She said that my heart for peds was very evident in my interview, and that because of that they had opened up a position in the pediatrics department for me if I wanted it. I was more or less given the choice between the two departments. I was completely FLOORED. She said that everyone loved me and that they were sure I was going to fit in perfectly there. Apparently, right after my first interview, one of the peds nurses had approached her and said that she's leaving in three months. By the grace of God, I am able to take her place. I accepted her offer (not that it was a difficult decision), and today I was contacted by HR with the official offer. I'm STILL in awe of how perfectly everything worked out. On February 25th I'm starting my dream job!!!
One of the things Heidi (my boss) told me on the phone has really stuck with me. She said, "I can teach just about anyone to start an IV or pass a med...but I just can't teach people to have the kind of passion you do. That's exactly what we're looking for." That in itself is an answer to prayer: that during my interviews, they would be able to see my heart more than anything. Praise God!
The best part is, I'll still be working alongside all the wonderful women who interviewed me. One of my biggest career goals has been to start out in a residency program like this one, where in addition to being oriented as a full-time employee, I will have classes and lab simulations along with other new graduates in order to better develop my skills and capitalize on my knowledge.
All I can say is that God is faithful. The past 8 months searching for a job have been discouraging, frustrating, and disheartening. But God knew what He was doing all along, and He's continuing to teach me what it looks like to trust in Him, even and especially when it seems completely hopeless.
Aaron and I are still working out the details of eventually relocating to Fort Collins. We're thrilled to finally be able to live there alongside our church and friends, although it promises to be a process that will require even more trusting.
To those of you who prayed and labored alongside me, and who continued to ask for updates week after week, thank you. You have absolutely no idea how huge that has been for me. This season has really opened my eyes to how blessed I am by the love, support, and encouragement of my friends and family. You are a gift and a blessing, and I'm so thankful for you in my life.
And there it is: yet another testament of the Lord's love and faithfulness! I can't wait to begin this new season and to see where God takes us!
I couldn't be more thrilled, and this couldn't have been more God-orchestrated. Allow me to explain...
First of all, I applied on a whim a little over a month ago. One of the requirements for the program was to have graduated less than 6 months prior, and for me, that time frame was close to 8 months. I addressed this (rather bluntly) in my cover letter, asking to be considered anyway, but I wasn't holding my breath. I had already applied for several other jobs that day and didn't think twice about it at the time.
A couple of weeks passed and I still hadn't received one of those awful computer-automated rejection emails. At that point I was starting to feel a little glimmer of hope. I actually had a good feeling about it, but past experience taught me never to get my hopes up. So, I waited.
The director of the program called me about two weeks ago saying that the Mother/Baby unit wanted to interview me. This both shocked and excited me--I had never really thought much about working in postpartum, but the more I thought about, the more excited I got about the idea. I was told that if my first interview went well, I would have a second one that same afternoon, so to plan on being in Cheyenne all day.
So, on Monday morning of last week I showed up to my interview, only to find out that the position they were interviewing me for was in Labor & Delivery, not Mother/Baby. The two nurse managers from the Women's and Children's Services department interviewed me. They were both very kind, and I could tell right off the bat that our personalities meshed well, which helped put me at ease. As they were wrapping up the interview, they said told me that they wanted to go ahead and set up my second interview right away. I waited for about 10 minutes, and they took me up to the floor where I interviewed with the clinical coordinator, a charge nurse, and two RNs. It was a little more daunting being interviewed by four people instead of two, but again, I felt like we were meshing well which helped a LOT. I left that interview feeling good about both of them, but still not wanting to get my hopes up.
I was told that I would most likely hear something by Wednesday at the latest, so naturally, I spent the next 48 hours staring at my phone waiting for it to ring. Finally, at about 4:30 pm on Wednesday, one of the nurse managers (from my first interview) called. She asked me where my first choice would be to work if I could choose any department. (This made me nervous, because I was afraid that if I said anything other than Labor & Delivery it would completely ruin my chances of getting the job). I was honest, and I told her that my heart was for pediatrics, and that that had been my goal from the very beginning. She said that my heart for peds was very evident in my interview, and that because of that they had opened up a position in the pediatrics department for me if I wanted it. I was more or less given the choice between the two departments. I was completely FLOORED. She said that everyone loved me and that they were sure I was going to fit in perfectly there. Apparently, right after my first interview, one of the peds nurses had approached her and said that she's leaving in three months. By the grace of God, I am able to take her place. I accepted her offer (not that it was a difficult decision), and today I was contacted by HR with the official offer. I'm STILL in awe of how perfectly everything worked out. On February 25th I'm starting my dream job!!!
One of the things Heidi (my boss) told me on the phone has really stuck with me. She said, "I can teach just about anyone to start an IV or pass a med...but I just can't teach people to have the kind of passion you do. That's exactly what we're looking for." That in itself is an answer to prayer: that during my interviews, they would be able to see my heart more than anything. Praise God!
The best part is, I'll still be working alongside all the wonderful women who interviewed me. One of my biggest career goals has been to start out in a residency program like this one, where in addition to being oriented as a full-time employee, I will have classes and lab simulations along with other new graduates in order to better develop my skills and capitalize on my knowledge.
All I can say is that God is faithful. The past 8 months searching for a job have been discouraging, frustrating, and disheartening. But God knew what He was doing all along, and He's continuing to teach me what it looks like to trust in Him, even and especially when it seems completely hopeless.
Aaron and I are still working out the details of eventually relocating to Fort Collins. We're thrilled to finally be able to live there alongside our church and friends, although it promises to be a process that will require even more trusting.
To those of you who prayed and labored alongside me, and who continued to ask for updates week after week, thank you. You have absolutely no idea how huge that has been for me. This season has really opened my eyes to how blessed I am by the love, support, and encouragement of my friends and family. You are a gift and a blessing, and I'm so thankful for you in my life.
And there it is: yet another testament of the Lord's love and faithfulness! I can't wait to begin this new season and to see where God takes us!
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