The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil

I struggle with holding on to things far too tightly and far longer than I should. 99% of the time it's the past, and my heart never fails to re-break at any miniscule hint of that thing I can't let go of.

The ridiculous thing is, these things shouldn't be hurting me anymore. They're over. Faults have been forgiven and things are different now. So why can't I let go? And worse yet, why do I have this horrible desire to know every last detail of situations that took place months ago, when I know it's just going to hurt me more?

The Lord has a funny way of making Himself heard sometimes.

This is what I've been struggling with tonight. But I sat down to read the chapters of So Long, Insecurity that we're covering in Bible study tomorrow, and the first one may as well have been addressed to me. Beth Moore discusses the exact struggle I'm having right now. I'm in absolute awe of how perfect this is. In her words,

"We can insist on knowing more about ______________ than we end up being able to handle." Yep. That's me. "Details...can paint vivid murals on the walls of your mind that jump to life every time your close your eyes. Most of the time the information emerging from our persistent, prurient interest proves very harmful. What's most baffling is the cycle of insecurity it causes. We pry because we are insecure, and then we are more insecure because we pried. God is the only one who can know a person's every though, every motive, every temptation, and every flaw yet still feel good about Himself. If we want to become secure women of God, we must cease asking questions we can't handle the answers to."

God put me in my place to say the least.

Beth Moore compares situations like this to eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This is incredible (and humbling). We want to know what only God was meant to know. "What God initiates, He equips us to handle." In other words, what I know because God intends for me to know it, God will give me the grace to accept and deal with. The things I pursue beyond that are without a doubt more than I can handle and more than I am supposed to know. God is omnicient because He is completely perfect, immutable, and holy, and He can handle it. Simply put, I can't know everything. My mind and my emotions weren't designed to be able to know and cope with everything. I can only effectively cope with what God intends for me to. If that's not humbling, then I don't know what is.

So now I know, and now my mind and my heart can rest knowing that everything is as it should be right now. Dwelling on the past will only keep me stuck there.

What's done is done. Time to let go and move forward.
Tomorrow is a new day.