overwhelmed.

I got engaged less than a week ago and I couldn't be happier.

Unfortunately, since then, life has been piling up. I've found myself bending over backwards to make everyone happy. I'm overbooking and double-booking my schedule. I'm not getting nearly enough sleep. There are so many calls, texts, voicemails, and emails to respond to. It almost feels like everyone else is assuming my life has been put on hold since Aaron and I got engaged. If only that were the case.

Don't get me wrong--I don't mean to complain. It's just that all of a sudden I have a million more things to think about on top of 15 credit hours and my commitments to my Bible study, theMILL, Sunday School, and Mill City Church. Not to mention my friends, family, and fiance. I'm so stressed out about so many things that I literally haven't had time to take care of myself.

Here's my problem: I want so badly to be able to make everyone happy. I want to be able to make coffee dates and lunch dates and not have to think twice about it. And actually, now that I'm thinking about it, now is a pretty good time to be thankful for all of the beautiful people in my life who actually want to spend time with me. I hadn't really thought of it that way until now.

Aaron and I were on our way to a Mill City meeting this evening when I reached my breaking point. He sweetly talked me through a meltdown, then gave me his car keys and his credit card and asked me (well, more like told me) to go and treat myself. So here I am in the Old Colorado City Library. Taking time for myself.

It hasn't taken me much thought to attribute my being overwhelmed to the fact that I've had a really hard time connecting with God lately. It's been absolutely breaking my heart. I've been making the mistake of letting other things take priority. I haven't done a good job of making time for Him; and more than that, I haven't been making Him the center of my life. There's never an excuse for that.

So right here, right now, I'm deciding to make things different; to pull myself out of this awful funk I'm in and focus on what's important.

I got on facebook a little bit ago, and the first status on my feed was my best friend from high school, Stephanie's. It said,

Focus on what is good in your life. Let go of the things you cannot control. Always take care of yourself.

Perfect. And just what I needed.

Focus on what is good in your life: I'm engaged to my best friend and the love of my life. I have an incredible, supportive family and amazing friends. I'm doing well in school. I graduate in May. There are only 5 more weeks of this semester, and Christmas is just around the corner. I am loved. I am being celebrated. I get to plan a wedding. I am blessed beyond belief. As I'm sitting here thinking of things to list, I realize that I could literally go on forever. I'm alive and well and really, what more could I ask for? Everything else is just icing on the cake. I don't know why that's so easy for me to forget. I guess sometimes I just need to sit myself down and remind myself of all these things.

Let go of the things you cannot control: The parking ticket I got today is over and done with. I've learned my lesson, and I just need to pay it and move on. I'm being supported financially by my incredibly gracious parents, and I have no reason to worry about money right now. One of my instructors is extremely frustrating, but she isn't going to change. I just need to accept it for 4 more weeks and then I can be done. I can't make everybody happy. It's not my job to make everybody happy. The world won't end if I say no. What's past is past. I can't go back and change anything, and the best thing that I can do is let it be and focus on what's in front of me. Worrying doesn't get me anywhere, and it doesn't get anything done. Matthew 6, Kaila. Matthew 6.

Always take care of yourself: I'm going to keep working out consistently and let that be a priority. I'm going to do my best to go to bed early. I'm going to set aside time to clean my room, even if it means saying no to something. I'm going to be honest with people when I'm stressed and hope that they understand. I'm going to say no sometimes, because try as I might to convince myself otherwise, I NEED time to myself. I'm going to go to my therapy session tomorrow and love every second of it. Finally, and most importantly, I'm going to spend time with my Jesus every day, and I'm going to recenter my life around Him and His love, mercy, and provision. Because He is all that matters, and He is all I need. And allowing Him to take care of me is the best way I can take care of myself.

[This is me letting go.]