Be Still

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

This is an area God has really been challenging me in lately. The NASB translation reads, "Cease striving, and know that I am God." The original Hebrew is directly translated as "let go" or "relax." If you know me at all, you know that regardless of the translation, this is not my area of expertise. In fact, it's always been a real struggle for me. I've never been the type of person to just let things go, and my anxiety makes relaxing almost impossible most of the time. Fortunately, the secret to being still isn't a secret at all.

"...know that I am God."

I've always thought I had my life pretty much figured out. Then a couple of months ago, my everything turned upside down. My two and a half year relationship came to a screeching halt. Since then, God has shown me how shaky my trust in Him is. I've lived in constant fear of being replaced and of not being good enough. I've battled feelings of insecurity and accusations of not being pretty enough, skinny enough, sweet enough, fun enough, captivating enough, godly enough, and perfect enough. My impatience is more obvious to me now than it has ever been, and I'm constantly trying to figure out what's going happen next and what God is doing in all of this. Months later, none of my questions have been answered and I can't help but feel as though I should have made more progress than I have at this point...

"Be still, and know that I am God."

If God answered all my questions, I wouldn't learn anything. I wouldn't learn what it means to be patient and wait on Him. I wouldn't learn how to trust Him more. I wouldn't learn how to be still. This season of my life isn't comfortable. But if it was, what reason would I have to trust God in the first place?

This whole process has been so humbling. Who am I to think that I know better than God does? Who am I to think that what I want for my life could possibly be better than what God has planned for me? Who am I to think that I could have possibly had it all figured out? That's not my job, it's His. My job is simply to be still and know that God is in control.

I'm constantly being reminded that I can't do this on my own strength. Being still, letting go, and relaxing are all very difficult for me. But I believe that God is changing that. I don't expect instant results, because I know myself better than that. It's a process. It's not my timing, it's His. And the wonderful thing about that is that He knows exactly what I need and when I need it, and He wants nothing but the best for me. Even though His timing isn't instantly gratifying for me, it's perfect.

If that's not enough of a reason to be still, to cease striving, to let go, to relax...then I don't know what is.