Great Expectations

Aaron and I are getting married in 4 days.

In the 4 years we've known each other, we've taught each other a LOT about what it means to be in a relationship. And in the 4 years we've known each other, God has taught us a lot about what it means to really love someone.

I'm about to finish reading a book called Love at Last Sight. The premise is really remarkable; the authors (husband & wife) argue against the idea of love at first sight and the idea of fairy tale love and relationships our culture continually elects to believe in and hold out for. But just ask anyone who's ever been in a relationship--fairy tales are simply the stuff of myths.

The sad thing is that even though relationships fail and fall apart every day, the majority of people still seem to hold out on this belief that their fairy tale love is still out there. I'm constantly hearing things like, "If we really loved each other, then it shouldn't be this hard" or "If we have to work this hard it must not be right."

If you're guilty of saying something like this (as I have been), let me be the first to tell you:

TRUE LOVE IS HARD.

This morning I read this quote:

"We have a picture of the perfect partner, but we marry an imperfect person. Then we have two options. Tear up the picture and accept the person or tear up the person and accept the picture."
- J. Grant Howard (as cited in Love at Last Sight)

And it's so true! We do the people we love a serious disservice when we expect perfection from them. It's even worse when we have these unrealistic expectations of someone who is completely unaware of them. You can't expect someone to meet your expectations when they don't even know what the expectations are.

Love is an investment. It's a journey. It's the decision to come alongside someone and choose to love them even when they make you so angry you want to light them on fire. It's loving someone despite their imperfections. The authors of Love at Last Sight challenge readers to strive for just that: to love better, stronger, and harder each and every day, and to be more in love with your partner the day you die than the day you met.

It would be an understatement to say that Aaron and I have had our ups and downs. We've fought, cried, disagreed, yelled, and misunderstood. We've broken up. We've broken each others hearts. But I can honestly say that we're stronger today than we've ever been. The struggles we've had throughout the years have helped us learn to love each other better. We're understanding more and more how the other thinks and handles conflict, which helps us interact better. I love and appreciate him more and more every single day, and I am so ready to enter into marriage alongside him. Not because I believe we're going to live happily ever after in the fairy tale sense, but because I'm confident in our ability to love one another and to learn to love one another better, and I'm prepared to work at it with him every day until the day I die. It's going to take effort on both our parts, and it's not always going to be easy; but knowing that, I think, is part of what true love is all about.

You're not perfect. No one you love is perfect. I would venture to suggest that the best and simplest way to love is to base your expectations on that simple truth. "Happily ever after" is not a template. Embrace the fact that everyone's is different. Yours is unique! Let God write you a love story that's unlike any other!

Love at last sight says that beautiful relationships grow from the soil of reality--a truthful understanding of someone else's strengths and weaknesses. It's time to let go of the perfect picture of the people closest to us and embrace the reality that none of us is perfect.
- Kerry and Chris Shook, Love at Last Sight