But Seek First His Kingdom and His Righteousness

I've been stressed out lately. Except that stressed out is something of an understatement.

I'm getting married in 25 days. Don't get me wrong--that I'm excited for. So excited, in fact, that having to wait adds considerably to the stress. Over the course of the next 25 days, there are approximately 10,000 little things that I have to remember to do/get done.

In addition to wedding preparations, I'm preparing to take my NCLEX (otherwise known as National Council Licensure Examination). Passing this test means that I will be a registered nurse (RN) and therefore eligible to actually use my degree and practice nursing in the state of Colorado. Not passing...well, I'm sure you get the idea. At this point, I'm still waiting for approval from the state to schedule a date to test. I was told that processing takes up to three weeks, which puts me dangerously close to my wedding date. All I want is to be able to take my exam before I get married and leave the country. Unfortunately, that's out of my hands. On top of all this, I have to find time to study and adequately prepare amidst all the wedding craziness, moving, applying for jobs, etc.

This is where I have to remind myself to breathe.

On June 4th I submitted my application for my dream job: the New Graduate Residency Program at Children's Hospital Colorado. On June 5th I received a follow-up email requesting more information. Since then: silence. Now I'm finding myself stuck between wanting this job more than anything else in the world and trying not to get my hopes up. Hence, more stress.

On top of all of this, I'm trying to move, and I currently have stuff at my apartment in Colorado Springs,  Aaron's and my apartment in Westminster, and my parents' house in Fort Collins. In theory it almost sounds convenient, but in actuality it's incredibly stressful being spread out across three counties. There are people I love dearly and want to spend time with in each place; I just can't be in three places at once.

Needless to say, I'm feeling overwhelmed and spread unreasonably thin. To complicate matters even more, there's the realization that this is supposed to be the most exciting time in my life thus far: graduating from college, becoming an RN, finding a job, getting married to the love of my life...except the stress of all these things is significantly overshadowing the excitement.

The Lord has been ever so gently placing Matthew chapter 6 on my heart lately; although up until today I've done a remarkable job of presenting him with my massive to-do list as if it's more important. But He is gracious and persistent, and proceeded to wake me up before my alarm this morning so that I had no excuse not to sit and listen.

Matthew 6:25-34 is a very familiar passage to me; however, the Lord never ceases to use it to teach me something new.

The Cure for Anxiety
25 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor tag her into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like on of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NASB, emphasis mine)

This passage never ceases to humble and amaze me. The words, "You of little faith!" get me every time. Through all my worrying about the future, I'm failing to act on what I claim to believe. God already knows what I need! He has graciously provided for me for 22 years, and I don't believe he's going to stop now.

The verse that really stuck out to me this time is verse 33:

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."


I've read this verse a hundred times. I memorized it at STP, for Pete's sake! It seems silly, but I'm only just now understanding what it truly means:

FIRST:
Seek the Lord--
Spend time in the Word--
Pray--
Fellowship--
Worship--
Serve--
Give--
Keep your eyes on Jesus--


And everything else will fall in to place.


It breaks my heart to have to learn over and over again that when I worry and am anxious, it usually means that my priorities are painfully out of order. But the Lord is patient and gracious and ever willing to remind me as often as I need Him to...

Nothing else matters but Jesus.